What to do if Someone Calls you a Nazi
Last week we sent out an email campaign offering a January special for the Pure Bookkeeping System (one of my businesses that I run with Debbie Roberts sells this system to bookkeepers). As well as generating some sales, we got the following response:
“… I found that some of the rigours imposed by this system would really not suit me (or the way I work and my clients expect me to work) – they are very regimented and give NO scope for personal attention and individuality – a bit like ‘Hitler’s Nazi Germany’ which my parents (who were German) taught me to detest. On a more personal note, I found your webinar (the only time I joined in), to be quite uninformative and ‘useless’ to someone in my position …”
If you are going to be a Thought Leader, and have any sort of public profile, there are times that you are going to be attacked. When this happens (and it is when, not if) you need to work out how to deal with it.
Deb was quite hurt by the email, much more so than me, and I think that’s a result of me being in this game for a lot longer. It also helps that the response to the webinar has mostly been incredibly positive.
I emailed Deb saying “We are doing two things that are going to cause reactions – changing the industry and being successful. How people react to that is about them, not about us. Don’t take it personally.”
Here are some beliefs that help me deal with this sort of response:
- Playing a big game and changing the status quo will trigger some people (either people who are attached to current status quo, or more likely people who have tried and failed to change something and become cynical as a result)
- If you are successful you will trigger some people (generally people who are not successful)
- Anything to do with money will trigger some people (we are all a bit weird about money)
- How people react when they are triggered is all about them, not about you
- Some people are angry at the world, and sometimes you will represent the world to them (again this is about them, not about you)
- Everyone (including me) is doing the best they can at their current state of consciousness given their current circumstances
- I want some people to love what I’m up to and some to hate it. If everyone is so-so I’m playing too safe.
When it comes to responding our natural reaction is either fight or flight – attack back or submit. I recommend an Aikido response, which is neither. In Aikido we are trained to move off the line of an attack, which means not fighting back, but also not giving in, giving the opponent nothing to fight again, just a hole for them to fall into. In this case moving off the line is simply unsubscribing the gentleman from our mailing list, not engaging him or defending ourselves.
Love to hear your thoughts and experiences – you can leave your comments below.
Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter
info @ petercook.com
03 9012 9789
Hey Pete
Thank you soooo much for your blog I have had a similar thing happen this week which has knocked me around a little so this blog together with your book, and I was reading the chapter on the mindsets, has come at the right time.
I look forward to discussing it further with you in the mean time keep up your great work you are a star, a life saver and a wonderful friend…thank you, you are doing an awesome job.
Regards Marcus
Valuable advice Pete.
I remember John Howard saying …”whatever I say or do, 30% of the population will agree with it and 30% will disagree with it. It’s the other 40% I’m interested in” (a thick skin goes with the territory).
Hi Pete,
So timely that I should receive your newsletter on this topic. I really liked what you said about some will love, some will hate, but it’s better than playing it safe. I’ve been filling my Tuesdays with sell appointments with prospective clients at coffee shops. The way I react negatively to the response some have on what I charge is really just a test. I learnt in Real Estate also that “no” is often “not yet”. That was one industry where you either built up resilience or you didn’t last too long. Anyway, I really loved your newsletter today. Thank you. Christina Guidotti
Hi Pete, great post. Agree with you 100%. My experience over the past few years, particularly since the start of the GFC is that many (most?) people are seriously in denial regarding the Truth about global finance and financial markets. They just dont want to know what’s really going on and are happy to follow the advice of the mainstream financial media, financial institutions, and other so called experts in the ”wealth industry” particularly mainstream financial planners, all of whom are compromised and conflicted by their corporate agendas. I made the mistake of thinking everyone wants to be awake and that everyone wants the truth. But I found that anything that conflicts with their programmed belief system will be rejected. Like Deb, I took things personally at the start, but now understand that it’s about them and their rigid beliefs.
Gold! Thanks so much for this Pete. Very helpful and timely for me – triggering a few people of my own recently with a new enews, new programs and a growing profile. Your comments help position it beautifully and were more helpful and constructive than the usual ‘get over it’ or ‘you’re better than them’ type of response. Thanks!
Pete, this article is brilliant, thank you. Like Deb, I daresay I’d be temporarily crippled by such feedback – it’d be like a thorn, nagging at me unreasonably, and I’d probably try to “make it all better” – until I am able to implement the appropriate frames. You’ve just given us all some excellent frames to work with, thank you. Love the Aikido philosophy at play.
Hi Pete,
I don’t often have reason to respond but I enjoyed reading about your incident and the way it was handled. Yes, it’s all in our viewpoint and the way we choose to observe. I realized I must be an Aikido Master, despite the fact that I have never studied the discipline. I use this same technique regularly in different situations in my life.
I guess one of the tricks or perhaps realities I have adopted, is that everything we experience is illusory and a game. Which means never getting too serious, too worried or aggressive in a given situation.
I often view it all from afar and allow each and every person on the journey to be and to have their own experience. Those experiences are not right or wrong, they are just experiences. So the more we can practise this, the easier things become and the more fluidity we feel. Then, we are no longer paddling up-stream but letting go of the oars and going with the current. This state also occurs in our sleep when we are no longer processing or computing. When we wake we tend to pick up those oars again and continue up-stream.
Just my 2 cents worth; you inspired me to type!!
Jason
Good work Pete
Shake them up & good to give people another way of thinking.
When something similar happens to me I always remind myself that :
“what other people think of me is none of my business…
however what I give them to think about IS MY BUSINESS”
Cheers
Concetta
The Buddha explained how to handle an insult and maintain compassion.
One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake.” Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”
The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, “It would belong to me, because I bought the gift.” The Buddha smiled and said, “That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger remains with you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself.”
“If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy.
But when you love others, everyone is happy.”
The young man listened closely to these wise words of the Buddha. “You are right, Enlightened One, He said. “Please teach me the path of love. I wish to become your follower.”
The Buddha answered kindly, “Of course. I teach anyone who truly wants to learn. Come with me.”
Hi Pete, your clarity of separating emotion from logic is impressive. I often say to my middle son “there will always be someone who won’t like what you say, won’t like what you wear, and won’t like what you do. That’s life, and it’s their loss. Find the people who do get you and hang with them”.
Thanks for all the great responses, and been great to hear how timely this blog has been for a number of people. Love the stories and experiences people are sharing.